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In our adult humor (“humour” for the British) section, you’ll find funny, sexy, saucy stories, meant to raise a smile.

To merge the libidinous with the laughable is perhaps the most difficult style of erotica to write, yet many lush stories writers rise to the challenge.

2

The Ghost And Ms. Chicken

A romantic retreat is ruined by a haunted campground.

I'm Penelope Spade, budding Private Eye. Beside me, in my blue Mini Cooper as we cruise up Highway 71, sits Katrina, my tall, blonde lover, her shorts accentuating her long, sensual gams. I met her on my first caper, six months ago. But time is taking its toll. Nothing I can put my finger on (or in), but we talk less and sex is now as infrequent as a good Star Wars movie. (I warn you before...Read On

3

The Missing Person Caper

My first case as a private investigator

Growing up a lesbian and very introspective about my career possibilities, I knew I didn't want to teach gym, because that was a stereotype that would eventually lead to shame and/or incarceration.  Then one night I had an epiphany while watching "The Maltese Falcon"...I would be a private eye, a shamus in forties vernacular. Fresh out of THE Ohio State, armed with a worthless degree, I...Read On

3

Winter is Cumming The Conclusion

A day in bed with my new girlfriend, exploring lust and a sad tale of my past

The day was gloomy and rainy, in other words, the perfect day to stay in bed and that was my sole plan for Winter and me.  To lie together and get better acquainted. Looking into her dark eyes as we snuggled beneath heavy blankets, I asked, "What do you want to know about me?" She mulled it over and finally responded with "Tell me about your last girlfriend.  Like how long it lasted, why...Read On

4

Reservation

The newlyweds arrive at their hotel...

The wedding had gone off without a hitch. Seamus and Colleen were now married and embarking on the rest of their lives. The church had been decorated out with beautiful flowers, the colour of her choice. Burgundy red roses mixed with cream coloured chrysanthemums. The service flowed and even the congregation had joined in with her chosen hymns. Better yet, the sun joined in and shone down...Read On

2

Winter is Cumming part 2

I take my new gf on a day of shopping, burgers and aging hair bands

As the bright, invasive afternoon sunlight came streaming through my stained (with dust and dirt) glass window, I found myself spooning (and possibly forking) with my new dream girl, Winter Summer, whom I had met earlier at the Public Market. Rubbing my aching jaw from our earlier sexcapades, fearing I might have lockjaw then grinning like an escaped lunatic as I recalled her hairy...Read On

18

I Married A Witch

The best day of my life was when I found out my wife was a witch.

My wife is a witch. Not a nasty woman that you’d refer to as a witch. I mean she is a real, card-carrying, bonified witch. I didn’t know she was a witch when we got married, but I found out soon enough. Witches seem to have a bad rap for some reason. I’m here to tell you that my witch is the most incredible woman I have ever met. In fact, I am by far the luckiest man on the planet. I don’t...Read On

3

Winter is Cumming

A random lesbian, messy encounter in Vancouver

The day began like all others, climbing out of bed at the crack of noon, devouring a Toaster Strudel and mayonnaise sandwich before braving the crisp Canadian weather by going to Vancouver's Public Market for fresh seafood now that I'm eating healthy.  Along the way I passed a group of American hipsters vaping cannabis oil on a street corner, celebrating Tommy Chong's birthday.  Damn...Read On

44

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Love's like a double-headed jelly dildo; it’s intriguing, but can screw you a few different ways…

This isn’t some fluff-driven, pie-in-the-sky bullshit narrative about love or finding your soul mate. Nor is this taradiddle about some dreamed electric moment – that instance where someone says that they just fucking knew. The Moment . Give me a bloody break. There’s no such thing. This tale's about how this love shit really works. Hint. It’s not about love; it’s about sex. Don’t kid...Read On

6

Quarter Of An Hour

Light flash fiction about a bigot and an aphrodisiac

The reporter looked away from me, glancing at her notes in right hand. “Afternoon,” I called, seating myself and adjusting the chair in front of the television cameras. She nodded at me, turned to the first camera and delivered a short introduction about our interview. “So Mr Rawley, please can you take us back to the morning of the fifteenth?” “Sure.” I adjusted my check shirt in the...Read On

11

Her Name Was Snowy

How a hatred of Christmas can change lives.

I guess you could say I come from a broken home. To say my family was not typical of American values would be the understatement of the year. We have no values. Most of us are either in prison or just haven't been caught yet. Because I come from a very large family, that's a lot of people who shouldn't be amongst the rest of society. Disfunction was the name of the game. There was no one...Read On

16

Dental Unload

Matt attends a very unusual dental surgery.

Matt took a strange call from his dentist in the early hours of the morning, at eight o’clock precisely, asking to rearrange an appointment. After some discussion, it became apparent that Sharon, the oral hygienist, couldn’t make the time of day that he had originally booked and his dentist, a Dr. Angela Price, had insisted that Sharon and Jenny were the only assistants that she would work...Read On

5

Perfect 10

Screaming fans and an enormous cock...

It was the size of her arm. The head bigger than her fist. It was an immense cock and she must have it inside her. The man lay on his back in the center of the gymnastics mat. His identity didn't matter. Maybe she recognized him, maybe she didn't. All that mattered was the mountain of meat between his legs. She knelt close to it, salivating. She wrapped both hands around the thing. Or at...Read On

8
Recommended Read

Al's Add-In 2: One Thousand and One Orgasms

Because the site clearly needs more buxom purple genie stories

I noticed her as soon as we entered the party. A stunning, curve-hugging purple dress, straight jet-black hair, pierced nose and eyebrow, and a smile of recognition when she saw my boyfriend, Al. So I was a little surprised when he steered me away from her. Actually, really surprised, since he’s seldom assertive, and because that took him straight into the very large embrace of the...Read On

3

A Canadian Thanksgiving tale

More than just the turkey gets stuffed on an October holiday

It was cool, crisp October day. The sky was a light blue with only a few wisps of white clouds fluttering about. The leaves, turning gold, yellow and red, put on a display as we travelled the highway to my parent's house. It took longer than normal to make the thirty minute drive from the city, not due to traffic, but due to my piece-of-shit truck shaking at anything near 100km/hr. That is...Read On

2

Mary Smith, Escort Extraordinaire

I’m always myself and sometimes what you want me to be.

I am an honest-to-goodness, flesh-and-blood, mostly friendly, often frisky, black adult American female person woman human.  I am that no matter what I choose to do and no matter what someone else chooses to do with me.  I am also a proud, ethical, and unabashed sex worker. My client rules of engagement are as follows. No piss, race, poop, rape, incest, slave, cop/prisoner or...Read On

10

A windfall for St Trinian's

Would this be the most audacious heist of the century?

Our precocious and hugely talented Russian twins Nikka and Nina were about to start their second term in St Trinian's A-Grade Sixth form. In the Staff Room, few of us doubted that they were destined for great futures. I could see Nikka comfortably handling the job of UN Secretary General, whilst quieter Nina was probably going to be a merchant banker in the City of London, retiring to...Read On

7

Escape From St Trinian's

Where Depravity replaces Decorum on the curriculum

"How much further?" my daughter Felicity asked. I glanced at the diagonal yellow line which ran across the sat-nav's screen. "Nearly there, darling." 'In three hundred yards you will have reached your destination,' announced the electronic voice on cue. And there, at the far end of a menacing avenue of dead elm trees, stood a gaunt stone gateway, with the brooding Victorian profile of...Read On

14

Midnight in Montreal

All hail the queen of Handjobs!

For the life of me, I couldn’t read French. As we passed the street signs, they looked familiar. Stop signs were still red octagons even if they said, “Arret” {Stop}. At the time I was a bit tipsy and wasn’t sure why we decided to go to Montreal to get more booze in the middle of the night, but as it was my first journey outside of the country, I was determined to make it memorable. The...Read On

5

Working From Home

A helping hand and a lick while learning how she works.

Claire sat at her large maple desk on her roller chair with arms ready for another day of “work”. She would spend a couple of hours on mm live finding some new blood for her significant business. She glanced down and saw the man crossed legged and naked under her desk, waiting for her when she would tell him he could. He was the latest who had come calling, and she was rather fond of...Read On

23
Recommended Read

A Dog’s Life

They’re at it again. They always are!

They’re at it again; fucking on the sofa. Not an inch of dignity between them.  Panting and grunting and making all sorts of disgusting noises like it was their last day on Earth; his buttocks clenching hard as he thrusts forward. Sweat is pouring off his brow – Christ knows where it’s ending up, somewhere on top of her I would have thought. And now they’re going to change positions, like...Read On

25
Editor's Pick

The Other Other Toy Story

When in trouble, call the customer service hotline.

“Thank you for calling the Honeysuckle Ltd telephone information service! This hotline provides information and assistance to all of Honeysuckle Ltd’s business and franchise partners, authorized sellers and customers. Honeysuckle Ltd. specializes in...” “Yeah. Yeah, interesting. Please. Come on, hurry up.” “...mer services. Please hold.” “Ha. I am holding. Holy shit, I am holding so...Read On

Apartment Seven Has A Golden Dinner Invitation

Carie prepares a very special meal for Vasily.

Hey, Big Bad Boris. Come over to #8 as soon as you’re home. Hope you’re hungry for something special!! ~ C. Thud. Thud. Thud. “Coming!” Carie chimed as she skipped excitedly over to her front door after hearing the familiar clubbing upon her door. She flipped back her long black hair, clasped her hands together, leaned aside and chirped, “Who is it?” “Is ‘Big Bad Boris’,” Vasily...Read On

0

Kicked Around: Chapter 1: A New Beginning

Kicked Around: Chapter 1: A New Beginning I never dream. My dreams are nightmares. When I dream, I’m always fighting. I’m always dying. Not anymore, Not today. I am winning. No more nightmares. Goodbye darkness, my old friend.   "Today is going to be the start of a new beginning." It was very early in the morning on a Sunday and emotions were mixed. Erik had...Read On

0

More Letters To Santa

Santa's own TV show

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Welcome to another edition of 'Letters To Santa', the show where yours truly reads letters from viewers like you on the air. Now before we get to this weeks' letters, Santa wants all of you to know that this past year has been one for the ages, and not in a good way. As I'm certain many of you already know, Santa has had a few legal problems I had to deal with. You may recall...Read On

Editor's Pick

Apartment Eight Has A Golden Rival

Vasily's mysterious and attractive houseguest annoys Carie to action

“Fuck.” Carie tilted her head to the side and repeated, “Fuck.” She observed her lips in the mirror carefully. “Fu-uck.” She frowned momentarily before shaking her head side-to-side, tossing her lengthy cascade of sable hair into a seductive mess. She popped a brow, angled her chin over her bare shoulder, and cast a sultry, flirtatious gaze towards the mirror. Lips rounded, she loosed...Read On

Horse Apples And A Crackpot-Pt 2

Visioned as a likeable being, with an appearance of a throwback to Cro-Magnon man. Often wearing his toupee sidesaddle on his head with a sideburn hanging down on his nose. His cock not very big, but sure was small. If compared to a rutabaga.  Mordecai (Mort) Ambrosius, High Sheriff of Plantar's Wart, Georgia. Where the horse apples never fall far from a tree. Especially if the horse is...Read On

Horse Apples And A Crackpot

As a child, I was touched by an anvil, because an angel is just to cliché. Having passed The Aunt Bea's School of Culinary Art, I could dress a hotdog in a bun twelve ways from a sundae. Opie would have been so jealous. I applied for a job as associate assistant to the assistant at a local beanery that served General Tso (chicken that is.) My first day on the job I was spotted choking...Read On

8

Naked Cleaner Wanted - II

My first-ever spit-roasting

In no time at all I'd settled into my new job at Sir Algernon Hardcastle's mansion, as his resident Naked Cleaner. The other members of the staff at The Grange were his haughty butler Corbyn; Roland, the taciturn chauffeur; and his redoubtable housekeeper Condoleezza. The flame-haired Romanian and I were at daggers drawn from our very first meeting, but it was only after hearing some ...Read On

6

A cry for Help

Why don't you reply to my emails?

""My new young wife was really excited when she came home from her first day at what she laughingly called, the film studio. “They’ve given me a part already darling, it’s the female lead, I’m going to be a star.” “Hey that’s great,” I patted her sexy little bottom and said that I was proud of her. “I even met my co-star Errol, he was really nice, he took me to his flat so we could study...Read On

18
Recommended Read

Rooftop Dreams

The concrete is colder than I thought it’d be. More abrasive. Like sandpaper and those small, painfully annoying pebbles that squirm their way into your shoes back when you’re a kid drunk off sugared drinks and running like a bat outta hell around the playground. Worry free. Innocent. Happy. The fucking good old days of pop tarts, staying up late eating jellybeans and watching Power...Read On


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