Not big, not clever, just determined.
My tale of a guy in the right place at exactly the right time to witness a voyeuristic bedroom act didn't receive much airtime with readers at its release. Maybe the category isn't well-read. Maybe it was perceived as a bog-standard voyeur tale. Maybe it wasn't fast-paced enough. Who knows, but I enjoyed writing the way it twisted.I had plans to invite another author to write the story from the female perspective. Maybe highlighting "Window of Opportunity" here will provide the exposure needed for a Lushie to step up and take on the challenge of telling the girls' side, because I think there's a lot of fun to be had with the idea of why they did what they did. Please drop me a line if you're interested.Either way, I hope you enjoy this unconventional voyeur story second time around.
Still haven’t decided which script software program I’ll use FinalDraft, FTW. Sorry for the OT comment.Back on-topic, I've not been published yet. Thought about it, couldn't be arsed. Maybe one day.
Oooh, I missed this thread, sorry. I'll play.I'm a serial versioner + saver. If I know I'm making significant edits I'll save a new version, or sometimes v1 is just the first 1-2K words and then I save a new version in case the disk craps out and loses what I've written. Backup backup backup.Either way, old versions of all my stuff are always available, even though I rarely open them again unless I want to pull a line forward that I thought wouldn't work but ends up fitting in a later context.Like PhilU, I'm surprised in retrospect by how little the beginnings change from v1 to final draft. Sometimes it's the odd word for atmosphere or I'll shuffle sentences around for impact. There have been pieces that I start in the middle and work out, but I think a vast number of my stories start from a spark of a first line or setup so it generally stays.Here's one that I did consciously alter slightly for what became Timestones : First Draft I've heard all the taunts before, but they still hurt, chipping away at what little self-confidence remains. As if I don't know I'm different from all the other kids. Black jeans. Trench coat. Eyeliner. Trivium T-shirt over Bieber or Taylor Swift. Docs, not Converse. Final Draft I don't need reminding I'm different from the other kids, but they do it anyway, eroding my self-confidence like waves pounding the headland. Sure I wear black jeans, trench coat and eyeliner. Docs, not Converse. Trivium on my playlist over Bieber or Swift. But so what? Once I'd got to the end of the writing process and his character had this hapless romantic streak, I thought the simile just worked better and was less on-the-nose than the first version. Also, the more conversational style lent a little atmosphere to his inner voice that had developed as the story unfolded, so I altered the beginning to match.The other piece that changed a fair bit was Thirteen Steps from Heaven or Hell . The story nearly - very nearly - never made it to publication because I was so frustrated with how the payoff didn't match the setup after eight fucking months of rewrites and edits.Glad I persevered as it's my most highly decorated piece of work to date. And it was pretty much all down to changing the intro. I lost count of the number of times I reworked the entire first four paragraphs before it clicked. It's up there with fuzzy's numbers in the low hundreds.Here's the jumbled first draft which is embarrassing in its inpetitude to convey anything: The rain tore from the sky, fat droplets hammering the driveway as I knocked on my neighbour's front door. Blue, like those short, summer dresses she favours. Such details were hard not to miss, especially when she bent over to coochie-coo her baby girl in the pram. Last time she did that was a couple of days ago while I was washing the alloys on my Audi, crouched with the hose. She wore cute panties. White. Tanga style, partway between a bikini and thong. When she straightened to head for the park, she threw a glance over her shoulder and I quickly averted my gaze. I think she knew. And here's the final draft, lengthened and embellished to set up the tension of later teases, a more movie-esque quality to it overall: The rain tore from the sky, fat droplets hammering the driveway and bouncing almost to my knees as I rapped on my neighbour's front door. Royal blue, I noted, like those short, summer dresses she favours. Like the polka dot number that barely reached her thighs the other day while I was crouched washing my car wheels.The memory was as clear as the sky had been ten minutes before. She'd breezed past, all legs, hips and temptation, pushing the pram on her way to the park, barely acknowledging me. When she paused a little further on and bent to coochie-coo her baby girl, I nearly dropped the hose as the hem ascended to reveal cute white tanga panties. They hugged the upper part of her incredible behind, leaving half-moons of tender flesh visible beneath.Time froze, for how long I couldn't say. Short enough to tease. Long enough for it to surely not be accidental. I knew I shouldn't stare but it was impossible to pass up the voyeuristic opportunity, firming desire immediately beginning to make its presence felt against the fabric of my shorts. She truly was something else. Magnetic.The spell was only broken when the hose jet caught the Audi's wheel arch, deflecting spray all over me. I spluttered and corrected its angle, water dripping from my chin and the silver paintwork. When she straightened, she threw a glance over her shoulder and flashed a grin before continuing up the street. I think she knew. A vastly different feel to it. And that seemingly simple change springboarded a flurry of edits on the day I submitted it, right up to pasting it into the Lush editor where I was still making minor tweaks to the odd word to improve the flow for the reader.I sometimes hate being a perfectionist and my own worst critic, but occasionally lightning strikes and this is the result, and it makes me chuffed to bits to be a writer.
ILY Wordsmith, but why are you even here? Good point. Enjoy your dragons and boobies and incest, everyone. I'll show myself out before I get <img src="/images/emoticons/kickbutt.gif" alt="kickbutt">
GOT all the way. Bewbs, dragons, fights, bewbs, threesomes, zombies, bewbs. Oh, I'm down with the bewbs. I woke up for those bits. There weren't enough in Breaking Bad, which must be why you nodded off <img src="/images/emoticons/evil6.gif" alt="evil4">
Am I the only one who was put off by all the hype and never watched a single minute of the show? I was lured by the hype, watched the first episode, got bored, woke up every time Emilia Clarke was nekkid (see above screen grab), got to the end, went "Meh, what was all the hype about?" and moved onto Breaking Bad instead, which is so well written it ought to be illegal. Slow-burn TV, for sure, but damn it's good.Both GoT and BB have 9.5 on IMDB so clearly the target audiences are satisfied by both series'. If you like fantasy, you'll probably love Thrones. If you like drama, tension, and good dialogue, look elsewhere.
I have never watched an episode of GOT! You're not missing much, apart from hours of head-scratching not knowing whether the twaddly names they're using refer to characters or places or both.
I love words and wordplay. What better way to denote that than a scrabble tile?Plus, it's endlessly tweakable: / / / / / / / /
At the risk of being beheaded by all the fans here... Meh.Y'all can keep Winter. The only compelling reason I can find to watch this bloated exposition fest is for Daenerys nekkid.<img src="/images/emoticons/hiding.gif" alt="hiding">EDIT: Hubba hubba... /
What Verbal said: choose a tone for each story and stick with it. If it's a discovery/first time piece you could have the language become stronger over the course of the story as the character becomes more comfortable with their sexuality and the situations. This can also be used for effect to heighten tension or show the depravity with which a character has reached towards the end of a piece compared to its beginning, but keeping stuff like that in dialogue is usually way more effective.Again, this'll depend on your characters. I've written pieces where the main character swears a lot in his inner thoughts and uses coarser language as a result. That can be hot if done well - in character - or a complete failure if it's done badly.On the opposite end of the scale, I've written a Flash piece ( The Zip ) without a single cuss word. I think the strongest word in there is 'breasts'! It was just a stylistic choice to try and paint the picture with a different vibe. Did it work? Who knows, but it was fun flexing the ol' cerebrum trying.
I half expect the cavernous silence over the phone line to end in a click and the dial tone. As the moments tick by, the fact it doesn't begins to worry me just as much. It means she's considering my offer. Too late to take it back. Willing my heart to stop thumping in case it wakes my wife one floor above the living room in which I sit, I wait. The softness of the sofa contrasts with...
Added 13 Apr 2019 | Category Cheating
| Votes 14 | Avg Score 5
| Views 826
| 12 Comments
The house was unusually silent when I returned from work. I stood in the downstairs hallway a moment, straining to hear any signs of my wife. Nothing. Strange. Her car was in the driveway. "Anna?" No reply. The mirror alongside the front door reflected only my unshaven features that I rubbed once. My eyes appeared duller blue than usual, I was sure. The merger was more complicated than...
Added 05 Apr 2019 | Category Femdom
| Votes 21 | Avg Score 4.95
| Views 2,221
| 23 Comments
The convulsions that gripped and jerked her kneeling body died away the moment he removed the wand vibrator from her shiny clit. But far from bringing relief, the interruption to the teen's impending climax made her scream Piti é into the ball gag. Fighting the handcuffs behind her, she bent forward awkwardly in an attempt to scratch the ache inside her dripping pussy. Spit drooled...
Added 04 Apr 2019 | Category Flash Erotica
| Votes 16 | Avg Score 4.81
| Views 438
| 11 Comments
He twisted her arm behind her back, forcing her warm cheek against the cool wall of the bedroom. The rest of her naked body was still flushed and trembling after being dragged from the bed. The crumpled sheets still held heat from where she had knelt, eyes on his, taking him in her mouth. Stretched and deep, the act somehow both slutty and classy, she'd teased him to within an inch of...
Added 02 Apr 2019 | Category Flash Erotica
| Votes 18 | Avg Score 4.89
| Views 827
| 14 Comments
The insistent buzz of the toy accelerated, tearing through my pussy and taking my breath away. I writhed against the bonds, knees scissoring, knots forming inside my belly like those that secured my wrists behind the wooden chair. I squeezed my thighs together in an attempt to dull the ache that had threatened to rip me in two for what seemed like hours. Rope bit into my ankles as I...
Added 29 Mar 2019 | Category Flash Erotica
| Votes 30 | Avg Score 5
| Views 1,844
| 26 Comments
Choosing a lover by chance was so retro, so twenty-first century, but to hell with it. Sometimes you gotta roll the dice. By all outward appearance, she was a natural winner. Lips that could start or end wars. Hyperbolic curves that would make math majors hard. And eyes. Those fuckin' aquamarine plunge pools framed by hair like the shimmering endless blacktop alongside the diner. If I...
Added 27 Mar 2019 | Category Fantasy & Sci-Fi
| Votes 14 | Avg Score 4.86
| Views 610
| 12 Comments
The one thing more potent than her zesty juices that rained over my face to soak my dirty blonde locks, was the way she cussed. There was something about the manner in which Minty swore that turned me on. When driven by desire alone, there was no pretence. No aristocratic role to fulfil. Nobody to impress except me, grinding her perfectly smooth, wet sex against my mouth as if pleasure was...
Added 15 Feb 2019 | Category Lesbian
| Votes 31 | Avg Score 5
| Views 2,734
| 23 Comments
Say what you like about Hell, the place is certainly toasty. Sure, it gets lonely with just Mum, Dad and me rattling around the caves, but it beats the surface. I find the world so cold. Bitter. Hateful. Guess Dad would be pretty crap at his job if it was anything else, but right now, stuck on the living room sofa amid one of our father-son 'chats', even the surface seems appealing. Dad has...
Added 22 Dec 2018 | Category Supernatural
| Votes 27 | Avg Score 5
| Views 2,605
| 25 Comments
She's everything my wife isn't. Flirtatious. Unpredictable. Domineering. Wearing nothing but knee-high black PVC boots that shine in the hotel lamplight, our eyes lock across the now crumpled bed sheets, her pretty celestial nose and full cheekbones framed by waves of scarlet hair that dust her heaving chest. We sit opposite one another on the bed and I swallow as she swishes the...
Added 28 Oct 2018 | Category Flash Erotica
| Votes 21 | Avg Score 4.95
| Views 2,234
| 12 Comments
If someone had told me six months ago this was how my short existence would end, I'd have said they were crazy. Yet here I am, hot, sitting alone in my underpants in a nondescript hotel room, half a bottle of my dad's bourbon drained on the bedside table and a full bottle of pills resting in my left hand, its label swimming in and out of focus. It works on TV, but partway through the drink...
Added 18 Oct 2018 | Category Masturbation
| Votes 14 | Avg Score 4.64
| Views 5,909
| 8 Comments
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